LIFE IN THE SNUGGLE ZONE

With the beginning of the courtship stage the door is opened into unabashed indulging in touching, caressing, hugging, cuddling and snuggling.  This is where the real battles for purity are fought.  And this is where most people lose them.  After all, this is now a "committed relationship," the stage where most people in our culture think it's fine to have sex.  In this stage, even many Christians will pretend to be sorta-kinda engaged and use that to rationalize sex.

The reality is that for most of us these intimate embraces have led to sex, and we really don't know how to have them without winding up in sexual situations.  People who are committed to doing the right thing, and saving sex for marriage, will likely be looking for some rules to lead them through life in the snuggle zone.

Well, we have good news and bad news, and they are both the same news:  Rules are not the answer.  Some would say holding hands but no kissing.  Some would say kissing but not French kissing.  Some would say no genital contact.  There are plenty more variations on these sorts of rules.

With all due respect to the good and kind and often very wise people who proffer these rules, we must conclude nonetheless that no such scheme will never be enough to get us safely through the snuggle zone.  Because the God of desire has given us passions far more powerful than any set of rules could ever be.  Rules may be helpful, but they aren't enough.

Part of the power of passion is its phenomenal creativity.  There are about a bazillion ways for two people who are falling in love to wrap themselves around each other in attempting somehow to get even closer.  God gave us a powerful longing to get as close as possible to this person who actually seems to be the other half of our selves.  God made us snugglers.  And no rules can possibly be nuanced enough to accommodate all of the possible permutations of passion in the snuggle zone.

What we need is simply to redeem our desires.  This is not easy, but when we seek God's grace, this redemption is very attainable.  And it is the only way, so we might as well pursue it.  The rules will not get us through.  As have many others, I've tried the rules, and I've failed, and tried other rules, and failed, and tried other rules, and failed.  And then I truly sought the redemption of a pure heart.  I abandoned myself to the God of Desire, offering all of my desire to him on an ongoing basis.  And now I do not live in a state of anxiety over what sort of trouble my passion may get me into.

I'm not being cocky about it.  I now that Satan is relentless and cunning, prowling like a roaring lion looking for souls to devour.  But I am not called to live in a state of anxiety over Satan's wiles.  The blood of Christ is effective.  His sacrifice is sufficient.  He will redeem our desires, and protect us from our enemy, if we let him.

In practice, it works something like this.  As we grow more intimate with one another, our prayer life should grow more intimate as well.  Our times together should be infused with lots of prayer throughout, including small prayers scattered through every activity.

We should have recourse together to scripture on a regular basis.  We should begin and end many of our dates (we can still call them that, even now that we are courting), at our church or some favored prayer chapel.  We must strive in every way to consecrate the time we spend together.  This is not a rigid or constraining thing, but actually sets us free from the habits and the bondage of lust in which so many of our peers are trapped.

When we find ourselves in a three-quarter cuddle with a semi-snuggle, and then, with the help of gravity, seamlessly segueing into a full frontal snuggle huddle, we must take God with us.  This time of surging desire is not a time to leave the God of desire behind us.  And so we can pray to ourselves as we embrace, "God of desire, my desire is for you."

Another prayer is this one, (feel free to change names and genders here), "Lord, I know that Maria belongs to you, and you desire to have her with you in paradise forever.  Thank you for allowing me to see some portion of the beauty you have given her, and the great joy you find in her.  Let my desire for her lead only to actions that are pure, and that bring her closer to you."

Ultimately, prayer is the only hope for purity in our embraces, because only the pure of heart can be pure in the face of the rising tides of human passion.  Using rules can help.  By all means use them.  But don't rely on them.  They're not enough.  The God of desire is our great and sufficient hope.  He wants us to desire closeness with one another, and he wants to be invited into our embraces.

One last thing.  Impurity creates anxiety and pressure , and takes away the freedom to really relish life in the snuggle zone.  It is a delightful thing to discover the sheer freedom of the embraces which belong exclusively to the pure of heart.  To the pure, all things are pure.  The pure are one with the God of desire, and He Himself infuses mystical power into their embraces.  Don't trade that in for some cheap imitation.  Don't settle for a selfish grope, and miss the opportunity to let the Lord use your embraces to weave your hearts and bodies together into one flesh, one life giving communion of love made in His own image.  Remember, God has big plans for our desire.  Our problem is not that we desire too much, but that we desire too little.

Let us allow the Lord to reveal to us the fullness of his plan for our desire.